“Salakadoola mechika boola bibbity bobbity boo, put ‘em together and what have you got?”
Greetings from the Fairy Godmother! I live in the remote kingdom of Spare Oom, in the perfect city of Floor Drobe where I flit around in sparkly pink frocks and entice the birds to do chores. Strangely they disappear as soon as someone does a poo on the floor…
Alas, much as I would rather I lived out the above, it is not so. I share this house with some marvelous, stroppy, screaming for more dinner, squidgy, scrummy people. And their offspring.
They would tell you otherwise, but really I am the fortunate one. Yes I wipe dirty bottoms from time to time and use jedi mind control to make the Girl sleep but I am really reaping the benefits. Don’t believe me? Here’s a list:
1. All the fun of being a parental figure, for as long as you decide.
Yes. I get to give them back! Throwing children in the air is brilliant. Putting them on your shoulders and smelling what can only be described as the Breath of Satan is not. But it’s ok! Because you can shout: “The girl has pooed!” and then not have to deal with it. Unless you are the babysitter. Then, often literally, tough shit.
2. Having a real understanding of what it’s really like to have children.
All broodiness has now been cured. Seriously. Maybe not permanently – I have only recently left ages that end in “teen” but I know that I want to do other stuff with my life, not just be confined to the prison of children. Though it does come with free Stockholm syndrome so I guess it’s not too bad.
3. A nice easy way to begin adult life.
A sort of bridge between my own family and truly going it alone. I am an adult in a family. Turns out it was exactly what I wanted.
4. Very poor Dutch
I am now fluent in toddler Dutch! Sort of.
5. Swooping in and Saving the Day
Everyone likes doing this. And to stressed parents it is as easy as “I’ll watch them in the bath”, “I can put her coat on her”, “Here are his shoes” and the ultimate “Would you like a cup of tea?” That selfish selfless moment of feeling great because you made someone else’s life a tiny bit better.
Of course there are many more but I think you get the picture. In reality I am but a cameo in this ensemble of hugs and spilled yoghurt. Much like the Fairy Godmothers that we know and love, much of the time I am busy trying on silly shoes but appear just in the nick of time to magic you to the ball. Or give you those extra few minutes of sleep I know you desperately need.
Bibbity. Bobbity. Boo.