The Mummy Dictionary

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It is lunch time.

“Mummy, What does ‘new’ mean?”

“That something was made or born a short time ago.”

“What does ‘old’ mean?”

“It means that something was made or born a long time ago.”

“What does ‘red’ mean?”

Briefly I consider going into light spectrum and so on, but I decide against it. “It means something has the colour red.”

“What does ‘one’ mean?”

“That there is only one of something.”

“What do two, three, four, five and all the other numbers mean?”

Now I’ve had enough.

“They are arbitrarily assigned combinations of phonemes used to signify┬áthe number of units of something present at any one time.”

Well, he was asking for it.

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The extent to which a two year old understands what you are saying

photo 1 (4)“Taking Turns” Is Just A Way to Get Your Hands on A Toy You Want

Boy: Here, you can hold my cuddly for two minutes. Then it’s my turn.
Girl: Yes! Thank you!
Boy: (a little later) Okay, the two minutes are over. It’s my turn now.
Girl: (wails inconsolably) NOOOOOO MY TUUUUUURN!!!!!!! MUMMY, S. SNATCHED MY TUDDLY!!!!

Time – There Is Only Now

Me: In two sleeps we’re going to play at Mary’s house!
Girl: I DON’T WANT TO GO TO SLEEP!!
Me: You’re not going to sleep now, it’s the middle of the day. I said we’re going to see Mary on Tuesday, in two days. Two sleeps.
Girl: YAY! We go to Mary! I get my shoes and coat on.
Me: Not now! In two sleeps!
Girl: I DON’T WANT TO SLEEP, I NOT TIRED!